Consider this a rant. I don't care anymore.
Why am I supposed to feel bad that I am not the size 7 I was in high school? Even then, I was considered fat! I ran 6 miles a day plus soccer practice or flag line (now they call it color guard) 5 days a week.
I have had 6 children since then. And when I tell people that, I inevitably get the response: "Wow, you look great for having had 6 kids!" That's NOT a compliment people!
I am a size 16 or 18 (depending). I LIKE FOOD! Why am I supposed to feel bad about that?
Why is it that if you wear a size 16, people assume you are lazy? Or that you don't want to look nice on occasion. Do you know how hard it is to find nice clothes that don't make me blend into the wall? Or conceal my existence completely? Why am I supposed feel bad about wanting to sport a gorgeous red dress that will turn heads (and not in a who is that wearing the circus tent kind of way)?
I am not a girly girl! Why am I supposed to feel bad about that? I enjoy working with tools and making things! I despise ruffles. And polka dots. And stripes. And animal prints. I am most comfortable in jeans and T-shirts, running a light board, or a sound board, or hanging lights, or running a compound miter saw. I own my own drill. Why am I supposed feel bad about that?
Why is it when little boys (I refuse to call you men when you act this way) see a woman in a technical position, they talk down to her?
Prime example: Had a meeting with a salesman at my new job. He sells lighting equipment. I dressed up nice (slacks and a nice shirt). I had been there a week so I stayed quiet and let the men do the talking. I was still figuring our where I fit in at the company.
The salesman, at the end, addressed me, "So what do you do?" I told him I was the rental manager & retail associate. His next question? "So, do you have any experience?" He practically winked at my boss. Infuriating! To which I informed him, I have a degree in technical theatre with a focus in stage management and lighting and 5 years of practical experience. His eyes almost fell out of his head!
Don't humor me! Don't give patronizing looks over my head! I have eyes! I can see you! (To give my boss credit, he all but took a step back when the salesman asked about my experience. I think he was expecting the fur to fly. He's heard me tell off people before. That's kind of how I GOT my job, but that's another post.)
Why am I supposed to feel bad that I am not, never have been and never will be a size 0? or 2? or 4?
Why am I supposed to feel bad because I want to work? In a field I love?
Why am I supposed to feel bad because I do not stay home with my children?
Why am I supposed to feel bad that I am NOT June Cleaver?
Why am I supposed to feel bad?
My husband (of almost 2 decades; love you honey!) and I were in a pawn shop a few weeks ago. I, of course, was checking out a very nice compound miter saw. He was looking at stereos. I asked him, "Does it ever bother you that you didn't marry a girly girl?" His response made my month (maybe lifetime). He said, "Why would it bother me? They're too high maintenance."
Another friend, who has seen me in my usual tank top/t-shirt & jeans combo as well as dressed up to the max for a gala event, (at some point during which I kicked off my heels and was walking around barefoot) said "That's why I like you. You're so rock 'n' roll."
So I refuse to feel bad any longer. If you don't like me, I DON'T CARE! If you can't handle that a woman can do what are thought of as manly occupations and still be a lady, I DON'T CARE! If you (talking to you Mr. Fed-Ex Delivery Guy) think I can't help carry in a package because it's SO heavy, I DON'T CARE! (I will no longer go fetch a guy from the shop. You're stuck with me.)
I refuse to conform to your expectations, society. I am good enough. I am smart. I am strong. I am a good person. I am a good mother. I am a good wife. I am a good technician. And,
I WILL DO WHATEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!!!!!!!
